Original Text (cont'd)

After moving from Ohio to the West Coast, I sought a position that would fuel my entrepreneurial drive. However, after an unproductive period at a small start-up real-estate operation, I realized how little I actually knew about building and expanding a successful business. I came to the conclusion that I needed to understand how businesses formulate and implement strategy, how businesses raise capital, and how the general corporate market works. I then sought opportunities where I could gain this knowledge to properly prepare me to launch and grow my own company going forward. Although I received several job offers over the next several months, none of them would allow me to effectively satisfy my objectives. From a personal standpoint, I could not imagine, after moving to Los Angeles on my own and enduring a trying career experience, settling for another less-than-ideal position. After months of searching, my patience and determination were rewarded when I accepted an offer to become a corporate finance analyst at Rimbaldi Brothers.

At Rimbaldi Brothers, I gained a comprehensive understanding of the capital markets and the symbiotic relationship between companies and investors. This position opened my eyes to how a firm uses the public markets to fund strategic goals and initiatives and how businesses are valued. I chose my next position at GlobalWorldCom to accomplish my other initial objective, understanding the processes behind corporate strategy and implementation. As a senior business analyst, GlobalWorldCom provided me with invaluable insight into the inner workings of a corporation. I learned how each of the different departments come together to create a seamless, cohesive marketable product for the consumer. My time at both Rimbaldi Brothers and GlobalWorldCom provided me with an unparalleled opportunity for learning and helped me acquire part of the skill-set (e.g., knowledge of capital raising, corporate strategy and operations) needed to effectively start and maintain my own company going forward.

Edited Text (cont'd)

After moving from Ohio to the West Coast I sought a position that would fuel my newly discovered entrepreneurial drive. After an unproductive period at a small real estate start up operation, I realized how much I still needed to know about building and expanding a successful business. I decided to seek a position in which I could learn how businesses formulate and implement strategy, how businesses raise capital, and how the general corporate market works. I turned down several job offers over a period of months because none of them would allow me to effectively satisfy my objectives. Finally, after months of searching I accepted an offer to become a corporate finance analyst at Rimbaldi Brothers.

At Rimbaldi Brothers, I gained a comprehensive understanding of the capital markets and of the symbiotic relationship between companies and investors. This position opened my eyes to how a firm uses public markets to fund strategic goals and initiatives and how businesses are valued. My next position as a senior business analyst for GlobalWorldCom provided me with invaluable insight into the inner workings of a corporation. I learned how all the different departments come together to create a seamless, cohesive marketable product for the consumer. My time at both Rimbaldi Brothers and GlobalWorldCom afforded an unparalleled opportunity for learning and helped me acquire part of the skill-set needed to effectively start and maintain my own company (i.e. knowledge of capital raising, corporate strategy and operations).

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