Original Text (cont'd)

I believe that the Wharton MBA experience would enrich my knowledge in all aspects of managing an organization and building a business from the ground-up. Financing a start-up, recruiting and retaining key personnel, designing an effective business plan, selecting a competent and reputable board of directors, and keeping abreast of the latest technology offerings are just some of the topics I hope to cover during my time at Wharton. Wharton's flexible curriculum will allow me to focus on such courses as Legal Aspects of Entrepreneurship, Private Equity Financing—Venture Capital, and Innovation, Change, & Entrepreneurship. I look forward to interacting with entrepreneurs through the Entrepreneurs Club's Speaker Series, which bring in founders and senior managers of start-up firms to discuss topics such as concept development, fundraising, and selling a business. I look forward to participating in Wharton's Business Plan Competition and the Entrepreneurship Conference. Also, Wharton's ties to cutting-edge companies and venture capital firms prove particularly attractive for my interests.

I view business school as an opportunity to learn and to share experiences to maximize an individual's growth. By natural extension, I want to work with people whom I feel comfortable maintaining relationships beyond the two-year timeframe of business school. I have prepared myself with a solid background in financial and strategic analysis and have a good grasp of company operations, but I lack a strong engineering, legal, and information systems background. I know that Wharton business students come from a variety of different backgrounds and offer expertise in areas where I am limited in my knowledge. Because of its top-ranked entrepreneurial program, faculty, students, and alumni, its flexible curriculum, guest speakers, and student-run workshops, Wharton is an ideal learning environment to prepare me for the next step in my career.

Edited Text (cont'd)

[Paragraph deleted. Fran's comments: This paragraph contains too much summary material and this "why Wharton" material is inadequate. Given the applicant's profile and essay topic selections, the "why Wharton" theme is much better addressed in a different essay.]

I view business school as an opportunity to learn and to share experiences that maximize an individual's growth. Accordingly, I want to meet and work with people with whom I can comfortably maintain relationships beyond the two-year timeframe of business school. I have a solid background in financial and strategic analysis and a good grasp of company operations, but I lack a strong background in engineering, law, and information systems. I know that Wharton business students come from a variety of backgrounds and offer expertise in areas where my knowledge is limited. In short, I am applying to Wharton because of its top-ranked entrepreneurial program, faculty, students, and alumni; its flexible curriculum; exceptional guest speakers; and student-run workshops. Wharton is the ideal learning environment to prepare me for the next step in my career.

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