Original Text

Last summer, for the only time in my life, I chose to fail. The knowledge gained from that conscious decision so greatly impacted my life that I will never repeat this mistake.

I entered a two-mile "open ocean" swim race, a race in which I had successfully competed before. The seas, this year, were the most tumultuous in the race's four-year history. The swells crested and troughed at six to seven feet with the wind topping each crest in a plume of frothy white. Confident in my training, I was undeterred.

The start gun sounded and 140 racers took to the surf. I struggled through the breakers and surrounding crowd aggressively striving for "open water," water unoccupied by other competitors where I could focus on establishing a rhythm between myself and the ocean. I finally found some space for myself but the currents and rolling waters prevented me from finding a rhythm. As the race progressed, I doggedly fought against the sea for headway.

Edited Text

Last summer, for the first time in my life, I chose to fail. It is a mistake I have resolved never to repeat.

The occasion was a two-mile "open ocean" swim race, an event in which I had successfully competed prior to this time. However, the seas this year were the most tumultuous in the race's four-year history. Seven-foot swells and a howling wind faced the 140 racers. Confident in my training, I was undeterred.

The start gun sounded and we took to the surf. I struggled through the breakers, aggressively striving for open water unoccupied by other competitors where I could focus on establishing a rhythm between the ocean and myself. I finally found some space, but the currents and rolling waters prevented me from finding a rhythm. As the race progressed, I doggedly fought against the sea for headway.

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