17 March 2006

Friendly Fire from Helicopter Parents?

The term 'helicopter parent' first appeared in print about 15 years ago. It was coined by teachers to describe a type of über-protective parent who hovered above their children as they entered the strange new world of school, doing all they could to ensure that their children got their fair share of that world – and then some.

As the years went by, helicopter parents ran interference for their children through high school and onto college campuses. They became infamous among faculty and administrators for doing things like calling their children each morning to make sure they got up for class and threatening to get people fired for giving bad grades. (The emotionalism over grades might be understandable, given the fact that parents were often doing the research and writing that the grade was based on.)

Now, it seems, helicopter parents are buzzing into the workplace.

The Wall Street Journal's College Journal ran an article this week on the increasingly common intrusion of parents in their adult children's work lives. Employers told the Journal that as many as 7 out of 10 grads say they have to talk to their parents before accepting or declining a job offer. Parents call hiring managers to push their children for certain jobs and to negotiate better salary offers. Incredibly, a significant number of job applicants bring a parent along on job interviews – sometimes even into the interview room.

Guys – it is half past time for a sanity check.

Colleges put up with helicopter parents partly because they pay the bills but mostly because undergrads are still young enough to deserve some benefit of the doubt. Admissions committees won't hold it against an 18-year-old who hasn't yet managed to get out from under an overbearing parent's thumb. Employers aren't going to feel the same way about a 24-year-old who's looking for work. (And graduate and professional school admission committees aren't going to feel the same way about a 24-year-old looking for a place in an MBA or law or medical program, either.)

If you have a helicopter parent – our sympathies. It can't be an easy situation to live with, especially since your parent undoubtedly feels he or she is only acting in your best interests. But it is imperative that you find a way to cordon off your parents from your career life. If you want their opinion on something, keep it private. No one is going to take you seriously as a professional or as an adult if they think you're still running to Mom and Dad with every problem you have.

Helicopter parents think their actions are protecting their children from failure. In reality they're doing just the opposite. Like friendly fire on a battlefield, their meddling only winds up damaging the very people it's meant to help.

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