Original Text (cont'd)

The most influential person in my decision to be a doctor was Dr. Doe. I never got the chance to tell him this. He died one month after my mom. I know there are always people in situations like mine and they need a doctor who cared as much and did as much for them and their loved one as Dr. Doe had done for us. He helped her. He helped us. One day I want to be a "Dr. Doe".

Revised Text (cont'd)

I never got the opportunity to ask Dr. Doe why he became a doctor. My step-dad said Dr. Doe was a physics and math major before he dedicated his life to medicine.

I bet Dr. Doe just wanted to make a difference for people like me. Now it is my turn to carry on Dr. Doe's tradition and do my part to make a difference for others.

I am not the first person to see a loved one pass, or the first to be moved by a doctor's humanity. But I won't lose this lesson. I was fortunate enough to meet someone like Dr. Doe. He gave me a gift I'll pass on.

If I'm lucky, I'll live up to his memory.

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